quick...count yer blessings

I've been trying to avoid even a whisper of the infamous grass-is-always-greener syndrome. I made a choice that felt right at the time, and I've gotta live with that.

But today I am keenly aware of a Berlin-shaped hole in my heart.

(I do still have that visa, you know . . . hmmm . . .)

one biiig ol' step

Okay, so I'm hesitant to admit this here, what with my passion and motivation a step ahead of any actual doing. In the past when I've been this excited and written about it here, there's been little-to-no follow through, And I just absolutely do not want to somehow fail yet again, not this time. I've been arguing with myself for the past five minutes about mentioning anything.

But I just cannot help it.

So after a prolonged absence, I'm back to tell you I've signed up for the Sketchbook Project 2011. (Just received word today that my materials are on their way. Laaaa!) After casting aside a whole lot of fear and doubt (or at least shoving it into a small and restricted corner of my brain), I took a $25 leap back into the creative process. Simply signing up has meant stretching my boundaries, and I gotta say it feels oh-so-good.

I chose 'adhere to me' for my theme because I think it lends itself to doing something very literal, or not. More than likely, I'll go for the SERIOUS, METAPHORICAL angle - thinking about the places and people (especially children) I've gotten attached to, then had to leave. (The leaving is one thing; I don't know if I've ever fully let go, of any of it.) I hope my project will help me explore attachment and the ways we help ourselves get 'unstuck,' as well as how we filter what we let stick to us. (And I could take the "getting stuck" theme in another direction, or talk about our own personal forms of "adherence". . . like I said, lots of options. Thrilling.)

While all those threads of thought certainly have me worked up and dizzy, what finally pushed me into the realm of OH MY GOD I HAVE TO POST THIS RIGHT NOW was randomly picking up and flipping through a tattered copy of Leaves of Grass earlier this evening. As I read through 'Song of the Open Road' (a portion of which has already appeared on this blog and pretty much never fails to bring me to tears), I was struck breathless:

O highway I travel, do you not say to me Do not leave me?
Do you say Venture not - if you leave me you are lost?
Do you say I am already prepared, I am well-beaten and undenied
      adhere to me? 

Bah! Right there! RIGHT THERE ON THE PAGE - 'adhere to me.' Now, maybe this had been filed away in my subconscious somewhere; maybe it was fate. In any case, what amazing potential for further sketchbook-theme-development. In fact, I'd already been thinking about how I might work the poem into my project before I even saw those exact words. I wonder if that's where the project's creators got the theme? Who knows.

Anyway, I'm thrilled. Now all I need is that sketchbook. Hurry up, mail, hurry up! And please, universe, please: may this be one project I manage to finish.