big & little valentine's day tees

I'd love to get my guys these cheerful t-shirts for my for Valentine's Day. They're festive without being over-the-top.

For Andy: Friday Night Lights quote shirt by Will Bryant [Honestly, I'm inclined to get this for myself too! It's also available as an art print.]

For Caleb: Peek Kids Heart Breaker Jersey

making room

I cleaned out my closet this week.

This may not sound earth-shattering. In many ways, it isn't. And yet...

It was the first time I've ever (ever) successfully cleaned out my closet. I didn't stop halfway through, defeated, or shove what I was too tired to hang back into a hamper in the corner of the room to deal with later.

It also felt a lot more like therapy than cleaning.

A couple weeks ago, I started reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. The author, a Japanese organizational expert, is eccentric, unconventional, and exactly what I needed. Clearly, there is a reason she has a three-month wait list for her services. I'm so glad I gave her a chance! Here's how magic went down...

On Tuesday morning, while Caleb was napping, I brought every single piece of clothing I owned into the living room. I emptied every closet, dragged in every hamper, took all the coats off the hooks, grabbed my shoes from their shelves, and made a big ol' mountain. It was a ridiculous amount of stuff.

I stared at the pile for a little while and sipped my coffee, then finally worked up the courage to start. One at a time, I took each item in my hands and asked if it "sparked joy" in my heart and soul. I didn't ask if I'd worn it recently. Or if it was functional or trendy or new or old or WHATEVER. I did what the KonMari Method told me to do and asked ONLY if the thing in my hands sparked joy.

And I was AMAZED, people. One ratty shirt could leave me feeling deeply loved and cherished (a faded blue Coldplay T-shirt, from their 2005 tour--Andy surprised me with tickets as a "welcome home" present when I first moved back from Germany); another might contain deep feelings of shame and vulnerability (the high school hoodie I pretty much lived in at the age of 16. And by "lived," I think I mean "hid"). There were "classic" pieces my heart wanted no part of but that I'd held on to for years, because they'd always be in style. (Never mind that they'd never be my style.) I was surprised by what ended up as toss or keep, and I was shocked by the emotions I'd been storing up via my closet.

It makes sense. I've spent the better part of the last decade trying to find my footing, bouncing from one classroom, apartment, and country to the next. My closet told the story of my first teaching job in Berlin, followed by my return home less then six months later, when I lived with my parents for a year and spent way more than I saved, usually on cute clothes. There were long skirts and wide-brimmed hats from Abu Dhabi next to tank tops and short dresses I purchased when we first moved back. And in each of those impulsive indulgences I sensed a pang of guilt: I was only able to wear them a handful of times before discovering I was pregnant.

My life and body have been in a state of constant flux for over five years. There was so much upheaval. It's only now, after three consecutive years Stateside, that I can say I finally feel like I'm settling back into myself. Andy and I are much more focused on thriving right where we are, rather than striving to figure out where we'd like to be. Becoming parents definitely has something to do with it: We're in a season of establishing roots. It's time for our home--and my closet--to reflect that.

In the end, I packed up three trash bags to haul to Goodwill, and I have a fourth of newer, name-brand items that I'm planning to sell. The clothes I put back in my closet have room to breathe again (an apt metaphor). I also have a much better sense of my personal style: Tomboy with a feminine twist, folksy with a bit of polish or edge.

In lieu of a big family vacation this spring, we're setting aside some dollars to rebuild our wardrobes with quality pieces that suit the place we're at in our lives right now, in line with the slow fashion philosophy. My biggest priority? New socks, underwear, bras, and tank tops. Yes, I held each of these in my hands one at a time as well, and let me just say: Not a whole lotta joy going on in that department. But really, these are the things I'd like to feel best about. They're the items of clothing I wear closest to my body, every day. Same goes for pajamas. I'm going to choose just a few sets I feel GREAT about, then cherish them.

It probably all sounds so nutty and privileged, and I guess it kind of is. But I've been on such a high this week! There is so much FREEDOM in letting go of both the physical items and the emotional baggage they represent. As I say, therapy--some of the cheapest, most satisfying therapy I've ever had. Who knew?

And now... time to tackle the books!

the who of the what [slow fashion]

"I like it when clothes have a story, and I like finding things that move me somehow, but I think it’s very important to not make fashion too much of a thing in your life. It’s a tool to show who you are to the world but only if you’re privileged enough to be able to worry about it." Clémence Poésy

"Buy less. Choose better." Vivienne Westwood

. . .

Minimalist fashion and capsule wardrobes are all the rage in blogland these days. Everyone and their mother seems to be paring down and posting about it.

I get it. When we moved this summer, I brought just a handful of items to tide me over until the rest of our stuff followed a month later. Once the panic of "maybe possibly not having enough" subsided, I realized how freeing it was to live with less. To know exactly what was hanging in my closest, or sitting on a shelf, or living in a cabinet, at any given time. Glorious. 

Until I was more or less forced into it, minimalism wasn't an active pursuit of mine. (Looking at the remaining piles of crap around here, you might still judge me a pack rat. But trust me: We've come a long way, baby.) However, there's a huge internal tug that happens whenever I read another one of these live-with-less posts. As I say, I completely get wanting to simplify (try it, you'll like it). But I think it's time to go beyond what we're allowing in our closets and homes. We need to ask better questions. Namely:

Who made this? 

and

Where did it come from?

Asking these questions makes it much easier to avoid, say, impulse purchases at Target. It forces me to stop and research the practices of the brands and stores I would normally shop. This goes hand-in-hand with a minimalist approach: It's not just about buying less; it's about buying better. And if I can't make the time to figure out the background of an item...Do I really need it? (I realize it's hard to suddenly research the story of, well, everything you buy and own. To which I say: Take it an item at a time. Start anywhere. But start.)

It isn't easy. When I first decided to really find out the story of my stuff (...kinda like that video from way back when...), I went through a lot of "pick up, put down". As in, "Oh, this decorative melamine bowl in on-trend seasonally-appropriate shades of coral and mustard is cute--and it's only three dollars!" Pick it up. "Made in China. Ugh, of course it is." Put it down. Rinse, repeat. 

These days, I don't pick much up in the first place.That said, I am by no means perfect or an expert in this area. Minimalism is a fantastic concept, and I'd urge anyone to try it on for size. But in doing so, again I say: Dig deeper. Ask harder questions. Every item in your closet and home was made somewhere, by someone. Figure out those faces and places to the best of your ability. If you want your wardrobe to tell a story, it helps to know its literal history, too. 

The fact that minimalism has become such a major trend says a lot. We're tired of spending. We're tired of such a low cost-per-wear for cheap stuff we end up wearing once, or for items that fall apart too quickly. And I, for one, am tired of not knowing the human cost (or, sometimes, investment) of the items I allow on my body and in my home. There are faces behind these items and issues. I believe it is our social responsibility as decent human beings, and especially as Christians, to be more conscious consumers. Let's talk about the dignity of the human person, then take a peek inside our closets. 

None of this is new, but it can be difficult, which is perhaps why it still needs saying. So please, in our efforts to "buy less and buy better"... can we also make sure we're asking decent questions about just what that means?

Hopefully a list that will continue to grow! 

Please note: These are not necessarily "budget-friendly" sources. But in the name of quality over quantity I think it's good to consider investing in ethically-made, well-crafted pieces that will stand the test of time. For me, this means no more than a few well-researched and worthy items each year. 

Cuyana

Eileen Fisher

Emerson Fry 

:: I have my eye on this gorgeous basic.

Everlane 

:: Purchased my first tees this summer, and they've quickly become staples.

Hackwith Design House

:: Dream list, big time.

Of A Kind

Poetry

Taylor Stitch

--
Top photo via

pause.

Breaking in my new summer sandals (seen here). Indoors, as they happened to arrive the same day as a snowstorm. ENOUGH ALREADY, WINTER! I am so very over you.

Took another "mama pause" yesterday with a massage and manicure, followed by a trip to the bookstore. It's been a while since I've been able to just wander up and down the aisles, seeing what piques my interest. I ended up coming home with two books, thanks to a gift card from a student. It's my spring break, and I have loved waking up and hanging out with my baby each morning. Still, stepping away is such a treat, and I KNOW it makes me a better parent. 

Tomorrow Caleb will head to my mother-in-law's house, as he does every Friday, only this time I will be home. I have big plans to clean the apartment and finish some sewing projects. It breaks my heart just a tiny bit that I'll be home without him. But when he returns it will be to a refreshed mama, ready to snuggle him all weekend long. Ohhh, Cabey Baby, I love you, I do!

al fresco

We’ll dine . . .

. . . on the balcony, seated at this cheerful table, which folds up for easy storage. Mostly likely we'll have homemade pizza and a simple mache salad and drink our latest wallet-friendly favorite, refilling our glasses 'til the bottle is gone. Or maybe we'll sip my favorite summer sparkler right from the can. We'll use our dishes from Poland and casual flatware.

I’ll wear . . .

. . . this easy dress and some simple sandals, plus a ring featuring a trio of elephants, since for some reason they've been on my mind. We'll set a vase of fresh peonies on the table and pipe Anita through the window to set the mood.

Sunny days are here again, and I can't help but dream . . . just like last year ;)

first favorites: diaper bag

Now that we're a few months into this parenting thing, I thought it'd be fun to round up a few of our most-used and much-loved items. I did a lot of research before Caleb came along. Our apartment is tiny, and I wanted to make sure every item we included on our registry was something we truly wanted (and wouldn't mind inviting into our space!). I can honestly say we regularly use everything we registered for, plus a few additional items we've found along the way. First up: Our trusty diaper bag.

1| The bag. My mom gave me the Petunia Picklebottom City Carryall for Mother's Day when I was first expecting. I worried that it wasn't gender-neutral enough, but she said that I'd generally be the one carrying it. That I loved it what was mattered. Thanks, Mom :)

2| Blankets. Aden and Anais classic swaddle blankets are one of those "every mom" recommendations (as in, every mom I know recommends them), and I can see why. They're large and lightweight, and we use them all the time, for everything from burp cloths to nursing blankets to carseat covers.

3| Change of clothes. We've found that Baby Gap clothes fit our guy well and hold up nicely in the wash. I'd love to add this sweet striped romper to the mix for summer.

4| Toys for teething. Sophie the Giraffe is another "every mom" recommendation, and I have to say she's managed to live up to the hype. Her skinny legs and neck make her easy to grip, and Caleb loves chomping on the nose and ears. Plus, she squeaks! The Winkel is a winner for similar reasons -- it was actually the first toy Caleb ever grasped all by himself.

5| Diapers. We decided to go the cloth diapering route, and we couldn't be more pleased! Bum Genius pocket diapers are all we use these days.

6| Wipes. Since we're already doing diaper laundry, we generally use flannel wipes and wet them with a spray bottle. But for on-the-go and bigger messes, we like these Burt's Bees Baby Bee wipes.

7| Wet bag. A must for cloth diapering while out and about. We have two medium size Planet Wise wet bags that we rotate, as well a larger one from Kanga Care (not pictured) for longer trips. (Although, I confess, I co-opted that one for my sweaty yoga clothes post-Bikram. It works beautifully!)

8| Rash cream. Caleb hasn't had any major or lasting rashes so far, but for slight redness and irritation, Bordeaux's Butt Paste usually clears it up within hours.

9| Stay-on slippers. A friend gave us these cute Robeez, and the elastic makes them dang near impossible to kick off! And when the shoes stay on, the socks stay on. Plus, I like ensuring our winter baby's tootsies stay extra warm.

10| Lanolin. Not quite the must-have it once was, but this stuff absolutely saved me in the early days of nursing. I came down with double mastitis in my second week postpartum, and this was about the only "comfort" I had!

Next up: The ins and outs of our diapering system. It may seem silly, but deciding whether or not to cloth diaper felt really overwhelming initially (should we go through with it? How will it work? So many options! What do we choose? etc). I liked reading up on what's worked for people personally, so in the next roundup I'll put all my research to use and share the system that's ultimately worked for us :)

--

PS - My first series on favorite things.

fall fashion handful

After all the baby/motherhood/identity posts, I was in the mood to do something a little more lighthearted. Normally paging through September fashion magazines is one of my guilty pleasures, but due to my changing body and budget constraints it ain't as fun as it used to be. Mostly, I find that I don't care. Not that I don't still enjoy having fun with clothes or putting an outfit together, but I'm definitely planning my purchases much more carefully, aiming for just a few quality pieces over a closet crammed with trends.

So, below, a couple bright, happy items I've already added to the rotation (the retro colors of that cardigan remind me of Charley Harper - I love them!), as well as two more subtle pieces I'm pinching my pennies towards...

1. Skimmers / 2. Cardigan / 3. Poncho / 4. Ring 

sunny day dreaming (you in?)

I want to sit out on the deck sipping lemonade from these glasses, wearing these sandals, with this wreath on the door. GOT IT, UNIVERSE?! 

What's that? I don't control the climate? I'm just a slave to Mother Nature? Huh.

Well, she'd better hurry up and get on my side then. Because I have a nasty case of cabin fever and toes that are itching to be exposed!

alter egos

As I was walking to work today, wool scarf and cozy parka feeling entirely inappropriate for this heat wave we're having, it occurred to me that, as of late, my main fashion goal seems to be dressing like Lindsay Weir. It's subconscious, but oh, it's happening. Considering in the past some of my favorite outfits have channeled Harriet the Spy and other tomboy-ish figures, this isn't exactly shocking. I thought it'd be fun to do the anti-Lindsay (very Emy) thing and put together a little round-up inspired by the character.

similar parka | tshirt | skinnies | loafers | tote | scarf (no longer available)

Also, maybe I don't mean "reimagined" so much as "revised and updated," but you get the gist ;)

it's not perfect . . .

. . . but it's progress.

Slowly slowly, the spare room is turning into a space I actually want to spend time in. Yesssss! What you can't see here is our now-full bookshelf, on which six bankers boxes worth of books now reside. (And I repeat, Yesssss!) Apparently all it takes is a sick day and Freaks and Geeks in its entirety on Netflix to get this girl moving. 

As for the shopping trip that distracted me the first time around, well, I'd say it was also a success. Andy bought me the best scarf from Anthro, just because. (I can't find it anywhere on their website, and mine was the last in store. Which I suppose only makes it feel doubly special.) I've been wearing the dang thing nonstop since we purchased it, like an adult security blanket. 

Mmm mmm, so cozy and warm. This is love, people. I may even be ready for snow. Just look for me camped out in my studio, minky goodness around my neck. Yep - that is most definitely what I consider "winter-ready." x

turns out, the water's fine

"It was like God was holding a bag of blessings and I was holding a bag of shit, and when I let go of my bag, God was like, 'Here you go.'" (Katori Hall)

Sometimes you think you're holding the second, but when you look inside you realize it's blessings you're carrying around after all . . .  ;)

A few things I'm saying thanks for right now:

1. We have zero dollars in credit card debt. (In fact, the only debt we do have at the moment is what remains of my itty-bitty student loan, under two grand.)

2. Since the age of 18, I've been able to live on four different continents long-term. This has meant being immersed in a range of socio-economic backgrounds, religions, educational systems, and languages. Most importantly, it has meant coming to know and love some incredible people.

In my day-to-day existence, it's easy to nestle up to the loneliness that often comes so naturally me. I have to consciously remind myself that there are people that love me and that I love around the world. A globe full of them! People I would lay down my life for are waking up in America as others are sitting down to dinner in Europe and Africa. There is such power in that.

3. Normally I'm a nothing-but-red girl, but sometimes you just can't beat a dry rosé on a hot day. Very refreshing start to the weekend! 

4. I just ordered new summer shoes (last pair in stock, and in my size -- always a sign!), and I can't wait to wear them 'til they're worn out.

Images: celebrate! | a student's henna'd arm | wine | shoes

new wallet (ish)

Two weeks ago, I threw up in my handbag. Long story, but the point I'd like to make here is, I'm now in need of a new wallet. (I have other handbags. But there was only the one wallet.)

Luckily, I ordered the pouch above about a month ago as a (tongue-in-cheek) reward to myself for running regularly. (It was on clearance at the time and has since sold out, but the tote bag version is still available.) Unfortunately, it's currently sitting in the States, waiting for the day when it will prove its worth as a catchall for my consumer essentials. (Erm, actually I don't know if old receipts into which one has spit her gum qualify as "essentials," but you get the idea.)

In the meantime, I shall rock my plastic baggie of cash. I do like to keep it classy.

summer-izing

Bring it, summer. I am so ready.

Top photo: High-waisted shorts that I scored for 10 Dhs (under 3 bucks!) at Topshop the other day. Also what I'll be wearing as I nostalgically re-enact Now & Then all summer long. Mostly the bicycle trip scenes.

Bottom: New beach towel + washcloth from a favorite store here in the Dhabs. Because I used my old beach towel for paper-making at work (plus it already smelled like a Bikram studio).

tied up with string: i sense a pattern

What can I say? I love them. Both of them.

1- Dwell Studio Draper Bedding | 2- Striped skirt via  | 3- Gold dotted "moon" paper from Bartsch  | 4- Drawstring beach bag | 5- Spotted socks | 6- Casey Baudoin blog header | 7- Kate Spade Monogram Note Cards | 8- Polka dot dress via | 9- Duvet cover (our own, available here) | 10- Clothing rack full of stripes (own) | 11- Polka dot blouse closeup (own) | 12- Striped heart garland (tutorial) | 13- Popsicle onesie by bobochoses | 14- Striped sail via | 15- Zara Home Cruise Rug (no longer available; image found here)

Most of the above images can also be found on my Pinterest boards. And speaking of Pinterest, this lady has some excellent collections of both stripes and dots.

tied up with string: everyday bling

I've never been a very flashy person, jewelry-wise or otherwise, so my favorite bling isn't all that bling-y. Diamonds don't do anything for me, and in fact I always insisted that I didn't want an engagement ring. Little by little, though, I came to realize that this tradition was important to Andy, and we managed to find an amazing compromise. 

My ring (left foreground) is handmade from recycled gold; the stone is eco-friendly Moissanite. (Andy's ring, in the background of the photo on the left, is special in it's own right: It's vintage, passed down from my great grandfather.) It didn't come with a proposal, but rather as the result of a conversation: Our decision to get married was mutual, full of its own kind of quiet romance. Andy gave me the ring two days before our wedding, while sitting in a park where we'd gone to have some alone time before everything kicked into high gear. 

Even more understated is my wedding ring -- a simple hammered band of gold, as thin as I could find. I'm absolutely in love with this ring. I love that it doesn't get in the way of anything: teaching, writing, art-making. That it never snags or bothers, and that it isn't in the least bit showy. It's just the ring I wanted, times a thousand.

Our rings, like our story, may not be the most traditional, but they're completely reflective of us.

all i want for christmas

Funny thing about this time of year, people are prone to asking you what you want. Which for me is basically an open invitation into Alice's tunnel (albeit a rather analytical version): What do I want? What does it mean to want? How can I answer this question in a way that makes us both happy? WHY AM I THINKING LIKE THIS?! Quick, OK, just give an answer. Default! No, yes, fine, default, DEFAULT! "World peace?" Oi, you should be more clever next time. . . . and so on.

When it comes to Christmas this year, I've at least managed to establish that what I want most is to be home. And while I do want to pick up some actual stuff while I'm there (hellllooooo, art supplies!), what I'm really looking forward to are experiences. I want to be surrounded by family, drink good wine with good friends, drive around snowy streets looking at twinkle lights, hear holiday music coming out of every public speaker, sip cocoa while making gingerbread houses and peppermint bark, bundle up to visit Navy Pier and the Christkindlmarket . . . . In other words, I want CHRISTMAS. Full-on, true-to-form holiday magic. (Got that, Santa?)

I know, I know: Touching, but anything else? Like, what do you WANT??? 

To help provide a more standard answer to this question, I've gathered together a few of my more recent cravings.

1| A cozy pair of slippers (as mentioned previously) to keep my feet comfy on our tile floors.

2| Diane Keaton's recent memoir, topping my must-read list as of late (in addition to these).

3| This Curling Ribbon ring, because I love a good dose of (tastefully) festive.

Annnnnd . . . That's all I got, folks. (Maybe not so helpful after all!)

Honestly, I tried to make it three times this long, but nothing seemed to stick. I kept adding items, then thinking, But I don't REALLY CARE if I get this or not. So I went with what you see: A few things I'd really, truly love to have and enjoy, and nothing more.

What do YOU want this year? (No pressure or anything.)

--

PS - Don't worry, Mom, I still love Field Notes! And you :)

new hat

To shield me from that Abu Dhabi sun.  

I've always wanted to wear a big hat like this but didn't know if I could pull it off. Now I have a reason.

(Can you tell I was watching Gentleman Prefer Blondes before doing my makeup? It's always been one of my favorite guilty-pleasure/packing movies, along with this one. Oh, how I used to want that closet! Also a white lace body suit and light blue jeans. Instead, I've got two suitcases and a great hat. I win.)

feeling most myself

Print from Fifiduvie

Andy and I went for a hike around the Arboretum today, and I could feel the stress melting from my shoulders as we walked. The temperature was perfect (as was the company), and I found lots of "treasure" along the way (in my world, this means half a robin's egg shell, pinecones, and wildflowers). I somehow felt more like myself than I have in a very long while, at ease in my own skin. I'd forgotten what that was like - happy to be where I was, as I was.

Lately I've been wearing lots of what I call "tomboy clothes": easy pieces that don't pinch or cinch or limit me. Maybe I'm reacting to all the dressing up that came with the wedding (always including proper "foundations," mind you). Maybe summer just calls for something a little more laid back. Really, I want to go exploring, to remember what it feels like to imagine I am Harriet. I want the confidence, innocence, and curiosity that comes with it.

Today was no different. I wore a loose striped tee, my favorite pair of slouchy pants, and perfectly broken-in sneakers.

The outfit reminded me in some ways of a photo I'd seen awhile back, of a ten-year-old Caroline Kennedy reading on her summer vacation in Greece:

Found here, after first seeing it here

Which then brought me back to this photo:

Andy took it during our trip to Istanbul last April. (Actually, the moment captured here stands out as another time where I felt "most myself." But reading - in my favorite comfortable clothes, with a cool breeze and faint city sounds floating through the window - often helps me "settle in" like that. Perhaps the reason for my theme this summer?)

I'm not really sure where I was going with all this - just musing, reflecting. And so on.

Until next time, then. Cheers. (And there will be a next time - I have an updated reading list, plus photos of our living space in Grand Forks, to share soon.)

new shoes

Boots, Kickers Iklace in "Leather"



Last week I finally embraced my inner hipster and ordered the shoes I've been craving since August. It took me a while to get comfortable with the idea of myself as a chukka-wearing kind of person. But let's face it, I love these shoes.


Kickers was one of my go-to brands when I lived in Germany - they're so well made and super comfortable, even when you're traipsing all over the place for hours. (Speaking of, did I ever tell you about that time when Andy and I were stuck on a hill for HOURS, lost and hiking in circles? No?! Well, it sucked. Majorly. HOWEVER - I was wearing Kickers sandals at the time, which means it sucked exponentially less than it might have if my feet had been hurting more.)

Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to listen to some Mumford and Sons while I research pre-ordering my new iPhone. (Because, clearly, these shoes have set me on the path to full-fledged hipsterdom. Next thing you know, I'll be wearing flannels and Ray Bans. Or are hipsters already over that? What's the post-hipster version of a flannel? Something involving a heritage brand, I'm sure. Oy, at least my feet are comfortable.)