Sunday, July 21, 2013

itchy feet

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"Travel far enough, you meet yourself."

David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

. . .

Oh, how I want to GO these days! To pack a bag, set off for the unknown, move only in the moment, stick a few more pins in maps of far off places....

I can't wait to travel with our little one. I love the idea of strapping him to my back and setting off on an adventure together.

"You can have the life you want." 

I continue to repeat this to myself until I feel the full force of it. And I remind myself that "not yet" is not the same as "never". 

Besides, I am now a "we" but somehow still me, and navigating that is its own miraculous adventure. 

But I am hungry for travel in such a primal way, as though it's essential to my very survival. I'm not unhappy with our decision to stay where we are for at least one more year; this is the first time I've ever renewed a lease, and that sort of steady feels good right now. It's just that there's also so much more world to see! And I want to be one of those crazy people that keeps getting her hands dirty, keeps pushing and challenging and exploring far beyond my backyard. 

Not too long ago I felt "traveled out"; the thought of putting my suitcase into storage almost came as a relief. Now, though, I see I was equating "travel" with "moving", since a packed case generally contained much of what I owned and meant leaving for months or a year at a time. I am still in no way ready for another overseas move (or any kind of move anywhere, really), but a solid two week trip outside the US? I'll take it. Oh, god, in a heartbeat, I'm there.