Thursday, September 11, 2014

less lonely

“Awake, my dear. Be kind to your sleeping heart. Take it out into the vast fields of Light, and let it breathe.” Hafiz

. . .

People warn that the life of a stay-at-home-mama can get pretty lonely. They say it can be hard to spend your days without adult contact. This is probably true for many people. But as it turns out, I am actually finding myself less lonely these days. I love being home, thinking my thoughts, finding a balance between following the baby's lead and doing my thing. This doesn't mean I don't need regular breaks, or that I don't get overwhelmed, or that the work is easy. Not even close. It's just that there's no pressure to pretend-smile any more, no dreaded small talk to make: I don't have to fake extraversion to make other people happy. I've stopped putting on the masks I'd started to confuse for my face. 

The truth? I feel like I was made to be a mother, and to be home. Accepting that as the call on my feminist, millennial heart hasn't been easy. More than once in the past few months I've been asked if I'm "just" a mom. But setting aside my fears about what the greater public thinks in favor of actually listening has proven beyond worth it. Turns out, I no longer care so much what anyone else has to say, because this is working for us. I'm learning to surrender, and in the process, finding such deep-seated joy that now there's no turning back.

Photo credit: Joshua Swanner Photography, April 2014